If you Haven't Said it, Don't Expect Them to Know it.
Jan 20, 2021
Clear communication is the life blood of relationships. Although it would be so easy for mind-reading to be a thing, it’s just not. No matter how long we may go, hoping others would just know what’s going on inside of our head and respond to that, it’s likely that unless you have communicated very directly, people will never know what’s going on and will likely disappoint you as a result, and vice versa...don’t assume that you know unless they’ve communicated it with you.
So how do you get this going if you’ve never operated this way before? First of all, like learning anything new, it very likely will be uncomfortable at the beginning, but as you practice, it gets easier and easier!
One of the best questions I’ve learned to ask people is: “what is your greatest need right now” or “how can I be a better friend (or spouse, or parent, etc.) to you in this season?”
And on the opposite end, when I have a need or issue that I want them to know about, I need to drop my pride for about 30 seconds and just straight up tell them, eg: Hey, I’m really drained in this season, could you give me some encouragement? Or “Hey, when I’m around you, it feels like you talk most of the time, I’d love to be asked how I’m doing”. For most of you, those statements may seem insanely direct, and they are, however, for you to experience truly satisfying relationships, learning assertive communication will be one of the best skills you could ever develop.
If you don’t feel safe in your relationships to communicate your needs, ask yourself “why”, and at the same time, dig deep into yourself and maybe even ask others if they feel safe to communicate their needs to you, and if not, why? Feedback and communication have the power to change your relationships TODAY. It just takes a step of boldness.