The Simple Relationships Blog

I got to see a whole new side of “Mom-ness” this year. As we suddenly moved from a family of 3 to a family of 5, we were thrust into the deep end of parenting, and boy is it deep. Right now the majority of our household poops their pants multiple times a day (let that sink in). The crying, the feeding, the diapers, the transportation, the sleep deprivation, the organization, the scheduling, it is a challenge like none other.

And then there’s Natalie. Motherhood places such a huge responsibility on you. Pregnancy alone demands that you are healthy and sober, and then your body, the thing most women put a LOT of effort into keeping in shape, changes shape! It takes something of incredible value, your body, and it takes it away, as if to say “Welcome to Motherhood. Your body belongs to your kids now.” It’s also impossible to forget this fact when there are two leaky reminders right there on their chest.

But motherhood is an internal transformation...

It's impossible to remove every manipulative person from the world so all we can do is learn how to deal with it when manipulators try to control us. How do we do that? It just takes one little word...

Manipulation is an attempt to control what belongs to someone else through fear, guilt, or shame. It's either "If you don't do what I tell you, I'll slap you in the face!" (fear) or "... I'm going to spiral into a depression!" (guilt) or "...you're an idiot!" (shame). These are all attempts to coerce you into willfully surrendering the decisions or the resources that belong to you. 

The important thing to remember here is that while people may try to control you, they truly, honestly, cannot control you. The only person who can control you (on a good day) is yourself. No matter what kind of pressure they put on you, you always have access to that one magical little word, "no." One strong "no" is all it takes to keep you in control of yourself. 

Dr. Henry Cloud...

The birth of our twins was far from ideal. Born 5 weeks early, Natalie was rushed to an emergency c-section after 17 hours of labor. When our kids were born, I was out of the room and Natalie was unconscious. Despite the stress and the high potential for emotional trauma, we walked out of that experience more or less unscathed. How? By applying the tools we teach on this platform.

1. Set realistic expectations.

2. Release the things you can't control.

3. Focus on what is going right, not on what is going wrong.

And there's lot's more where that came from! We hope our story helps to demonstrate how these tools can truly impact your life and help you maintain peace even in the most dire of circumstances.

- Danny & Natalie

There’s an expression that says “Expectations are just planned resentments” and there is a lot of truth to that statement. An expectation is just our idea of the way that we think things are going to happen. When our expectation isn’t met, we feel like what we got less than we deserved, which leads to disappointment. Then hot on the heels of disappointment comes resentment, which is defined as “bitter indignation [anger or annoyance] at having been treated unfairly.” As you can see, consistent disappointment is a recipe for some serious resentment in your relationships.

High expectations, when clearly communicated, can inspire people to work towards a noble goal but they often don’t bode well for your relationships. If you expect to be invited to all your work friends’ weddings, if you expect your grandkids to call you regularly when you have made no efforts to call them, if you expect your spouse to have sex with you 3 times a day,...

Every good story has conflict. There is always a challenge that seems difficult, maybe even impossible, but through overwhelming sacrifice and suffering and hard work, the hero gets stronger. The strength they gained, the friends they made, and the lessons they learned in the depths of their despair were exactly what they needed to overcome their previously unbeatable foe. Victory is achieved, peace returns, and the hero winds up stronger than ever.

This story arc is called “The Hero’s Journey.” It’s a story we all connect with because it’s a story we live out thousands of times in our own lives. Learning to ride your bike, finding your first job, navigating your first romantic relationship, each one involves venturing into the unknown and undergoing the growth pains necessary in order to reach the prize.

But there is another character in these stories as well. There is the poor family starving under the oppressive rule of an evil emperor. There is the...

People come in all shapes and sizes. Introvert, extrovert, agreeable, disagreeable, present and aloof, focused and reserved, optimistic, skeptical, the list goes on forever! If you’ve taken a personality test, DISC, Enneagram, Strengthsfinder, whatever, they all demonstrate that while personalities come in all shapes and sizes, there is never one that is objectively good or objectively bad (at least outside of a specific context.).

Let’s think about this. If someone is “Hard-Headed” or “Stubborn,” where does that weakness come from? It’s probably rooted in confidence or loyalty, which are good things to have! Maybe someone is being stubborn because they want to protect and preserve the culture of their family. Then again maybe they just can’t take critical feedback, who knows. The point is, the qualities that can bother the people around us are usually good things that get taken a little too far.

For example, If someone...

It’s kind of funny how the phrase “my truth” gets thrown around a lot these days. What people really mean to say is “my belief,” “my perception,” or “my opinion.” If I have gotten a clean, crisp $5 bill under my pillow every time I lost a tooth, then the Tooth Fairy is real according to “my truth.” After all, it has happened every time without fail! Of course it must be true!

However, this famous scriptural phrase, spoken by Jesus Christ himself, does not say “YOUR truth will set you free.” He says “THE truth will set you free.” It’s not a subjective “well that’s the way I see it” kind of truth. It’s the down and dirty, brass tacks, universally and definitively factual kind of truth that can truly set you free.

Let’s go back to our friend who believes in the Tooth Fairy. He’s currently disappointed because he has been waking up on a pillow...

Whether it is loss of loved ones, divorce, abuse, heartbreak, or someone leaving your life, this pain is deep and persistent. The hardest part is often feeling like you never got answers or the closure that you needed, or if closure was even possible.

Many times, the pain can be scary to confront because to truly be free of the pain from past relationships, you are going to have to let the relationship go. No matter how good or bad the relationship was, we will hold on because we can't stand the thought of them actually being gone, even if it's just their memory.

Holding onto past relationships creates two major problems.

1) We may not be able to fully heal from any trauma that was experienced in that relationship.

2) Holding onto that person may be taking up the place of a new relationship that will help to fill the emotional hole that the person before left.

Another word for "letting go" is "grieving." This word is often understood but what it means is...