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There’s an expression that says “Expectations are just planned resentments” and there is a lot of truth to that statement. An expectation is just our idea of the way that we think things are going to happen. When our expectation isn’t met, we feel like what we got less than we deserved, which leads to disappointment. Then hot on the heels of disappointment comes resentment, which is defined as “bitter indignation [anger or annoyance] at having been treated unfairly.” As you can see, consistent disappointment is a recipe for some serious resentment in your relationships.
High expectations, when clearly communicated, can inspire people to work towards a noble goal but they often don’t bode well for your relationships. If you expect to be invited to all your work friends’ weddings, if you expect your grandkids to call you regularly when you have made no efforts to call them, if you expect your spouse to have sex with you 3 times a day,...
Every good story has conflict. There is always a challenge that seems difficult, maybe even impossible, but through overwhelming sacrifice and suffering and hard work, the hero gets stronger. The strength they gained, the friends they made, and the lessons they learned in the depths of their despair were exactly what they needed to overcome their previously unbeatable foe. Victory is achieved, peace returns, and the hero winds up stronger than ever.
This story arc is called “The Hero’s Journey.” It’s a story we all connect with because it’s a story we live out thousands of times in our own lives. Learning to ride your bike, finding your first job, navigating your first romantic relationship, each one involves venturing into the unknown and undergoing the growth pains necessary in order to reach the prize.
But there is another character in these stories as well. There is the poor family starving under the oppressive rule of an evil emperor. There is the...
People come in all shapes and sizes. Introvert, extrovert, agreeable, disagreeable, present and aloof, focused and reserved, optimistic, skeptical, the list goes on forever! If you’ve taken a personality test, DISC, Enneagram, Strengthsfinder, whatever, they all demonstrate that while personalities come in all shapes and sizes, there is never one that is objectively good or objectively bad (at least outside of a specific context.).
Let’s think about this. If someone is “Hard-Headed” or “Stubborn,” where does that weakness come from? It’s probably rooted in confidence or loyalty, which are good things to have! Maybe someone is being stubborn because they want to protect and preserve the culture of their family. Then again maybe they just can’t take critical feedback, who knows. The point is, the qualities that can bother the people around us are usually good things that get taken a little too far.
For example, If someone...
It’s kind of funny how the phrase “my truth” gets thrown around a lot these days. What people really mean to say is “my belief,” “my perception,” or “my opinion.” If I have gotten a clean, crisp $5 bill under my pillow every time I lost a tooth, then the Tooth Fairy is real according to “my truth.” After all, it has happened every time without fail! Of course it must be true!
However, this famous scriptural phrase, spoken by Jesus Christ himself, does not say “YOUR truth will set you free.” He says “THE truth will set you free.” It’s not a subjective “well that’s the way I see it” kind of truth. It’s the down and dirty, brass tacks, universally and definitively factual kind of truth that can truly set you free.
Let’s go back to our friend who believes in the Tooth Fairy. He’s currently disappointed because he has been waking up on a pillow...
"You should just know what's bothering me."
Are you investing in the right relationships? It may be time to take inventory. This may seem trivial, but many times we can be investing our time and energy in the wrong things, this doesn't just apply to our career or to do list, it also applies to our relationships. Ask yourself this question: "who are the people that are currently in my life that I am spending the majority of my time and energy on?" Know their levels of importance in your life, how much access they have to you, and then be intentional about investing in those IN their priority order.
This sounds funny, but speaking from personal experience, when you have too many people close to you, you usually become overwhelmed and you become a pretty underwhelming friend/spouse/parent/etc. I thought I did pretty well at friendships in high school when I had about 36 “best friends” and looking back, I give a sad laugh at how stupidly confident I was thinking I could manage that many close relationships and how...
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