The Simple Relationships Blog

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6 Ways to Make People Like You

 
Want to be more likable? This method has been used since the 1930's and it's still circulating today! It's from a book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and it works!
 
It turns out that simple things like taking a genuine interest in people, smiling, and shutting your mouth have a tangible, practical result! It's not a "trick" or a "relationship hack," it's just proper manners and kindness. With these simple tools, you satisfy one of the greatest needs of the soul and who wouldn't want to be friends with someone who does that?
 
I DARE you to make a friend today! Or try these techniques with someone you already know and watch them come alive! With tools like this, your relationships can improve almost immediately.
 
- Danny
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Expectations are Planned Resentments.

There’s an expression that says “Expectations are just planned resentments” and there is a lot of truth to that statement. An expectation is just our idea of the way that we think things are going to happen. When our expectation isn’t met, we feel like what we got less than we deserved, which leads to disappointment. Then hot on the heels of disappointment comes resentment, which is defined as “bitter indignation [anger or annoyance] at having been treated unfairly.” As you can see, consistent disappointment is a recipe for some serious resentment in your relationships.

High expectations, when clearly communicated, can inspire people to work towards a noble goal but they often don’t bode well for your relationships. If you expect to be invited to all your work friends’ weddings, if you expect your grandkids to call you regularly when you have made no efforts to call them, if you expect your spouse to have sex with you 3 times a day,...

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Are you a Hero or a Victim?

Every good story has conflict. There is always a challenge that seems difficult, maybe even impossible, but through overwhelming sacrifice and suffering and hard work, the hero gets stronger. The strength they gained, the friends they made, and the lessons they learned in the depths of their despair were exactly what they needed to overcome their previously unbeatable foe. Victory is achieved, peace returns, and the hero winds up stronger than ever.

This story arc is called “The Hero’s Journey.” It’s a story we all connect with because it’s a story we live out thousands of times in our own lives. Learning to ride your bike, finding your first job, navigating your first romantic relationship, each one involves venturing into the unknown and undergoing the growth pains necessary in order to reach the prize.

But there is another character in these stories as well. There is the poor family starving under the oppressive rule of an evil emperor. There is the...

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Weaknesses Are Just Overused Strengths.

People come in all shapes and sizes. Introvert, extrovert, agreeable, disagreeable, present and aloof, focused and reserved, optimistic, skeptical, the list goes on forever! If you’ve taken a personality test, DISC, Enneagram, Strengthsfinder, whatever, they all demonstrate that while personalities come in all shapes and sizes, there is never one that is objectively good or objectively bad (at least outside of a specific context.).

 

Let’s think about this. If someone is “Hard-Headed” or “Stubborn,” where does that weakness come from? It’s probably rooted in confidence or loyalty, which are good things to have! Maybe someone is being stubborn because they want to protect and preserve the culture of their family. Then again maybe they just can’t take critical feedback, who knows. The point is, the qualities that can bother the people around us are usually good things that get taken a little too far.

 

For example, If someone...

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The Truth Will Set You Free!

It’s kind of funny how the phrase “my truth” gets thrown around a lot these days. What people really mean to say is “my belief,” “my perception,” or “my opinion.” If I have gotten a clean, crisp $5 bill under my pillow every time I lost a tooth, then the Tooth Fairy is real according to “my truth.” After all, it has happened every time without fail! Of course it must be true!

 

However, this famous scriptural phrase, spoken by Jesus Christ himself, does not say “YOUR truth will set you free.” He says “THE truth will set you free.” It’s not a subjective “well that’s the way I see it” kind of truth. It’s the down and dirty, brass tacks, universally and definitively factual kind of truth that can truly set you free.

 

Let’s go back to our friend who believes in the Tooth Fairy. He’s currently disappointed because he has been waking up on a pillow...

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Unforgiveness Keeps Them in Control.

While most of us don’t think of Justin Bieber as one of the great emotional philosophers of our time, he is absolutely correct about this. To have a “chip on your shoulder” usually refers to holding some kind of grudge.
 
Oddly enough, it’s our sense of justice or fairness that leads to us holding grudges. We feel a need to punish or judge or distance ourselves from our offenders until they pay for their crime. The problem is that, most of the time, the offender goes on living their life without a second thought while you are stuck there, fuming about this perceived injustice. You remain bitter, angry, and disconnected and your peace will only come at someone else’s expense.
 
This is what Bieber means when his sexy voice sings “unforgiveness keeps them in control.” The offender did the crime, they should do the time, but who in this scenario is suffering? Not the offender, because it turns out you have no power over...
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Distance Brings Distortion

In the past year, most of us have had more physical time apart from our friends than we’ve ever had before and if you’re like me, and usually suck at texting or staying in touch, you may be feeling like your friendships aren’t very strong due to the distance.
 
When there is too much distance in relationship, it can create a distorted perception of that person in our minds because, frankly, we’re just perceiving that person entirely through social media or what we’ve heard indirectly, neither of which are reliable. In a year that has brought more division between us and our friends, distance is probably the very first thing to address if it is currently present.
 
Humans are designed to communicate face to face but when you’re only seeing each other through text or social media, it’s like looking through a thick distorted glass. The longer you’ve been away from someone, the less likely it is that you see or remember them...
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The Danger of Being Certain.

How is that we find ourselves being “certain” of something? We were “certain” that the earth was flat until we learned that it wasn’t. We were “certain” that X-Rays were perfectly healthy for pregnant women until Alice M. Stuart learned that it was consistently causing birth defects. I personally recall being passionately “certain” that Santa Claus was real until I learned that (spoiler alert!) he wasn’t. I heard a quote of a science professor who would lie awake at night, haunted by all of the students that failed his courses because they disagreed with a theory that was later proven false.
 
 There are several relationship and emotional myths that are still practiced today. For instance:

"You should just know what's bothering me."

  • While it would be great if they did, mind-reading is a myth and good communication is a skill of maturity. If you're only willing to do relationship with mind-readers, I...
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Are You Investing in the Right Relationships?

Are you investing in the right relationships? It may be time to take inventory. This may seem trivial, but many times we can be investing our time and energy in the wrong things, this doesn't just apply to our career or to do list, it also applies to our relationships. Ask yourself this question: "who are the people that are currently in my life that I am spending the majority of my time and energy on?" Know their levels of importance in your life, how much access they have to you, and then be intentional about investing in those IN their priority order.

This sounds funny, but speaking from personal experience, when you have too many people close to you, you usually become overwhelmed and you become a pretty underwhelming friend/spouse/parent/etc. I thought I did pretty well at friendships in high school when I had about 36 “best friends” and looking back, I give a sad laugh at how stupidly confident I was thinking I could manage that many close relationships and how...

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