The Simple Relationships Blog

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6 Ways to Make People Like You

 
Want to be more likable? This method has been used since the 1930's and it's still circulating today! It's from a book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and it works!
 
It turns out that simple things like taking a genuine interest in people, smiling, and shutting your mouth have a tangible, practical result! It's not a "trick" or a "relationship hack," it's just proper manners and kindness. With these simple tools, you satisfy one of the greatest needs of the soul and who wouldn't want to be friends with someone who does that?
 
I DARE you to make a friend today! Or try these techniques with someone you already know and watch them come alive! With tools like this, your relationships can improve almost immediately.
 
- Danny
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Expectations are Planned Resentments.

There’s an expression that says “Expectations are just planned resentments” and there is a lot of truth to that statement. An expectation is just our idea of the way that we think things are going to happen. When our expectation isn’t met, we feel like what we got less than we deserved, which leads to disappointment. Then hot on the heels of disappointment comes resentment, which is defined as “bitter indignation [anger or annoyance] at having been treated unfairly.” As you can see, consistent disappointment is a recipe for some serious resentment in your relationships.

High expectations, when clearly communicated, can inspire people to work towards a noble goal but they often don’t bode well for your relationships. If you expect to be invited to all your work friends’ weddings, if you expect your grandkids to call you regularly when you have made no efforts to call them, if you expect your spouse to have sex with you 3 times a day,...

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The Truth Will Set You Free!

It’s kind of funny how the phrase “my truth” gets thrown around a lot these days. What people really mean to say is “my belief,” “my perception,” or “my opinion.” If I have gotten a clean, crisp $5 bill under my pillow every time I lost a tooth, then the Tooth Fairy is real according to “my truth.” After all, it has happened every time without fail! Of course it must be true!

 

However, this famous scriptural phrase, spoken by Jesus Christ himself, does not say “YOUR truth will set you free.” He says “THE truth will set you free.” It’s not a subjective “well that’s the way I see it” kind of truth. It’s the down and dirty, brass tacks, universally and definitively factual kind of truth that can truly set you free.

 

Let’s go back to our friend who believes in the Tooth Fairy. He’s currently disappointed because he has been waking up on a pillow...

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Unforgiveness Keeps Them in Control.

While most of us don’t think of Justin Bieber as one of the great emotional philosophers of our time, he is absolutely correct about this. To have a “chip on your shoulder” usually refers to holding some kind of grudge.
 
Oddly enough, it’s our sense of justice or fairness that leads to us holding grudges. We feel a need to punish or judge or distance ourselves from our offenders until they pay for their crime. The problem is that, most of the time, the offender goes on living their life without a second thought while you are stuck there, fuming about this perceived injustice. You remain bitter, angry, and disconnected and your peace will only come at someone else’s expense.
 
This is what Bieber means when his sexy voice sings “unforgiveness keeps them in control.” The offender did the crime, they should do the time, but who in this scenario is suffering? Not the offender, because it turns out you have no power over...
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Distance Brings Distortion

In the past year, most of us have had more physical time apart from our friends than we’ve ever had before and if you’re like me, and usually suck at texting or staying in touch, you may be feeling like your friendships aren’t very strong due to the distance.
 
When there is too much distance in relationship, it can create a distorted perception of that person in our minds because, frankly, we’re just perceiving that person entirely through social media or what we’ve heard indirectly, neither of which are reliable. In a year that has brought more division between us and our friends, distance is probably the very first thing to address if it is currently present.
 
Humans are designed to communicate face to face but when you’re only seeing each other through text or social media, it’s like looking through a thick distorted glass. The longer you’ve been away from someone, the less likely it is that you see or remember them...
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The Danger of Being Certain.

How is that we find ourselves being “certain” of something? We were “certain” that the earth was flat until we learned that it wasn’t. We were “certain” that X-Rays were perfectly healthy for pregnant women until Alice M. Stuart learned that it was consistently causing birth defects. I personally recall being passionately “certain” that Santa Claus was real until I learned that (spoiler alert!) he wasn’t. I heard a quote of a science professor who would lie awake at night, haunted by all of the students that failed his courses because they disagreed with a theory that was later proven false.
 
 There are several relationship and emotional myths that are still practiced today. For instance:

"You should just know what's bothering me."

  • While it would be great if they did, mind-reading is a myth and good communication is a skill of maturity. If you're only willing to do relationship with mind-readers, I...
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How I see it is not the way it is, it is just how I see it.

Reality is a funny thing. While reality itself only has one truth, we all perceive reality differently. This gets difficult when someone walks up to you telling you off about something you have done when, in reality (the REAL reality), you did nothing wrong! In his book "How to Stop the Pain," Dr. James Richards explains that the people who are most prone to this kind of misperception are people with low self-worth. Let me explain.

In his book, Dr. Richards tells a story about how his stepfather was a violent and insecure man. He would begin most of his explosive arguments with the phrase "Do you think I'm stupid or something?!" He would lash out at strangers for looking at him funny and even attack his loved ones because HE thought that THEY thought that he was stupid. As Dr. Richards writes, "What he never realized was that HE was the one who thought he was stupid."

When we think we're not good enough, that we're flawed and unworthy of love, we often believe that others think...

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If you Haven't Said it, Don't Expect Them to Know it.

It’s as simple as that!
 
Clear communication is the life blood of relationships. Although it would be so easy for mind-reading to be a thing, it’s just not. No matter how long we may go, hoping others would just know what’s going on inside of our head and respond to that, it’s likely that unless you have communicated very directly, people will never know what’s going on and will likely disappoint you as a result, and vice versa...don’t assume that you know unless they’ve communicated it with you.
 
So how do you get this going if you’ve never operated this way before? First of all, like learning anything new, it very likely will be uncomfortable at the beginning, but as you practice, it gets easier and easier!
 
One of the best questions I’ve learned to ask people is: “what is your greatest need right now” or “how can I be a better friend (or spouse, or parent, etc.) to you in this...
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